US Culture: War on Christmas Vs War on Religion

Every December, like clockwork, Christian conservative television and radio show personalities, politicians, and individuals start talking about the War on Christmas, and about how God-fearing Christians aren’t allowed to celebrate Christmas in the United States anymore. Well, as an objective observer of everything, I think its time to finally call horseshit on this whole conspiracy theory. The fact is that there is no war on Christmas and, if you think there is a war on Christmas, then you need to stop listening to that likely-pedophile priest and look at the world through objective eyes.

First of all Jesus Christ wasn’t even born on Christmas, for Christ’s sake! The Church chose the date for a number of reasons other than his birthday; therefore, celebrating Christmas on that date is pretty much a lie to begin with. Having said that, I have nothing against celebrating Christmas on December 25; I’m not a Christian so far be it for me to tell Christians when to celebrate the birth of their Lord and Savior. On top of which, I enjoy a good holiday as much as the next guy and getting it at the end of the calendar year is always a good thing.

Secondly, the argument that Christianity is under attack because of all the Happy Holidays signs also doesn’t hold up. I should caveat this by saying that this theory doesn’t hold water if your head isn’t up your ass. On the other hand, if your head is up yours, or someone else’s, ass then obviously you aren’t watching the world but the inside of that person’s lower intestine so you get a pass for your illiterate thinking. For those who do see the actual world, the reason why they observe all the signs telling people to celebrate the “holidays” and buy something – anything – for the people that they love, hate, want to impress, or strangle with a garrote is because its expensive, not to mention a little difficult, to have a sign that says “Happy Christmas or Chanukah or Kwanza or Festivus or a combination or nothing if you are an agnostic/aetheist.” By the way, there is likely a garrote sale at your local Walmart and you should get to it before the Obama administration bans them. Anyway, my point is that the real reason for these signs is not the new tradition of political correctness but the old, and very American, tradition of capitalism as companies don’t want to upset anyone who might buy their goods.

Which is not to say that there aren’t religious holidays that are purposely and intentionally discriminated against. One such example is the Muslim holiday of Eid, which actually is a religious holiday and not one made by a Church – putting aside the whole theory that all religions are man-made and hence every religious holiday is a fake holiday. There are approximately 3 million Muslims in the United States and I have yet to see a Happy Eid sign at a Macys or Piggly Wiggly (slight pun intended). Despite all this obvious discrimination, I don’t see Muslims having arguments with the Rhode Island governor about how his state is discriminating against their religious rights? So, in conclusion there is a war on religion but, Christians don’t need to fret since it’s not against their religion. Now, how exactly do I use this garrote?